Out Of Sync
February 3rd, 2010 -- Posted in Journal | No Comments »I haven’t been able to find my rhythm since I had to send the laptop in for repair. They didn’t’ do a very good job but I am trying so hard to keep track of everything that I cant bear the thought of stripping it down again to send in for more repairs. I may do so in a couple of months.
I am still working out every day and watching what I eat, but not being able to keep track of it all has been hard. I have been stuck for over a week at the same weight so I must make sure to get on fitday every single day and see where I need to focus. It isn’t easy to just guess when you are a busy mom. I homeschool so it is really hard to get that extra quiet time to do it, but I will make sure to find the time. It is important for Ronnie that his mum be healthy.
I have recently made friends who like my size, but they are also being supportive. Sometimes I think back to my family and how they judge each other on their looks constantly and ridicule anyone who may not be attractive and thin, but I don’t think any of them have really taken a good look in the mirror. It used to be so hard being told how fat I was when I would grow out of a size one, so I can only imagine what they would think of me now. No, I don’t imagine. Really don’t care and usually don’t think about it until someone asks why I am so hard on myself. They judge my body, my looks, my children, their looks, their sexuality…
Today was one of those days. Someone told me how beautiful I was and to slow down. I was doing a great job and for just a second I thought, wow what would “X” say… then I stopped didn’t think about what she would say and put my iPod on and did an hour of aerobics. Fist song of choice was Lily Allen. Appropriate choice for the moment, Fuck You.
Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we’re so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor
So you say
It’s not okay to be gay
Well I think you’re just evil
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
Your point of view is midieval
Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch
Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch
Do you get
Do you get a little kick of being slow minded?
You want to be like your father
It’s approval your after
Well that’s not how you find it
Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful?
Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
Your losing control of it and it’s really distasteful
Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch
Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don’t translate and it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch
Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we’re so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor
Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch
Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don’t translate and it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch
